The Truth

After reviving the blog with my last post, I typed up our whole birth story to share, but posting that alone will only sound like a sweet and fairy-tale like end to 2017 and I'd like to be more honest than that. Last year was a really hard year for us. We found out we were pregnant in February and it nearly floored us. We'd been married for 6 years at that time and had just bought our first home and began to settle into life. While we were in a good place in life to begin a family, it really wasn't on our radar. We had both been students for most of our marriage, and we were looking forward to spending some real quality time with each other before we thought of kids. We had dreams of traveling, conquering more National Parks, and exploring more nooks and crannies of Birmingham. We were not thinking about kids. And while we congratulated our friends that were growing their families with baby one or baby two, we both were happy with our family just consisting of the two of us.

In February, when I held onto the home pregnancy test that said "Yes" (because I'm apparently too big of a skeptic to trust lines when it deals with additional humans), I cried. Hard. I'm hesitant to share this, because I know the struggle and heartbreak of infertility is so real to so many, and to some very near to us. All I could think is how not ready I was for this change of life that was about to unfold. Physically, yes we were ready: we had a home to bring a baby into, I had a supporting husband to be a loving father, and we both had jobs to help support an addition. But mentally, I was not there, at all. I'm a planner, and this wasn't in my life plan. Not right now.

I questioned God so many times in 2017. Why us? Why now? Why a baby - a lifetime commitment? Why would You trust us with a new life? Why should I get to be a mother? Why do You give me this opportunity and not another woman who's heart has ached and longed for this for months or years? Why would you surprise me like this, God?

I'd love to share with you that He spoke to me and gave me some wise words to share with you, but I don't have specific answers to these specific questions. But what I did learn in 2017 is that God does not abide by our plans. We are not in control of this life, no matter what timeline we set for ourselves or what plans we lay out. God has His own outline, the original and official blueprints of our lives. He has a designed purpose for each of us, and his plans will reflect that. He is not surprised or taken aback by things unforeseen to us, because he knows already what is before us. I read of Jonah and his persistence to run from God because God's plan for him didn't meet Jonah's expectations. God was sending Jonah into a land that he had no intention to ever step foot in. But Jonah's purpose was to go and speak to Nineveh. You can choose to run or trust. My heart initially wanted to run. And by initially, I mean months. Months of people asking about our pregnancy and how excited we were, when deep down I was so uncertain of what was happening. By October the idea of her was so real, and I was coming around to the idea of having a daughter that I was definitely excited to meet her!

I still wonder why God would entrust me with this little girl. But then I look at her sweet face and see so much potential. And I've realized this plan of His is not only about me, or Jesse, but involves a beautiful story of Brenna and how he will use her for his glory. And that makes my heart swell. So whatever part of life you are in - whether you've been blindsided or you feel sunken down in a season of waiting, God is in control. He has plans for you, and they are bigger and greater than we could every imagine. It may not feel that way in the moment, but if we seek Him and his purpose for us, He can see us through our present.

photo credit: Asif Patel

High Five for Friday

1. This week has been a little interesting. We spent Monday night huddled in Mike and Kelsey's downstairs apartment in case of tornadoes. Thankfully we did not have any damages in our neighborhood, and we were glad to have a safer place to stay.

(photo from original blog source, linked below)

2. I made this recipe this week, and it was pretty delicious. I'm not sure if anything with bacon can be bad, so give this recipe a try for a new pasta dish.  I was a little leery of the egg sauce, but it didn't have a weird texture and just made everything nice and creamy (without an overload of heavy cream!). I did also roast grape tomatoes to toss in too, which I think added a nice flavor to the mix. The roasted cauliflower was awesome - I would do that again as a stand-alone side.

3. Yesterday our Clinical Evaluation instructors, who have been with us for both Fall and Spring semesters held a little end-of-the-year party to recognize a couple of outstanding students, and then hand out several funny awards based on things they had overheard or seen us do throughout the year. I will spare you the names of the awards, as they are all corny, optometry-nerdy awards. We have all said and done some crazy things as we've been learning new skills along the way. And it's also been fun (and funny) to see how each other's personalities come out in various situations - whether it's the first time you see the retina with a certain tool and are blown away by what you see and feel like a rockstar, or when you freak out because you are stressed and feel like you suck at every clinical thing you've ever done.  We have a great class and it makes each day better knowing you have people going through this with you.

4. Today was the last day of class for spring semester! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! (Insert any other expression of unbelievable excitement here!) Finals are next week, so keep me in your prayers and thoughts. Jesse too, bless his heart, for putting up with me during such a stressful week.

5. Also today, Jesse took a placement test that sets him up for begging a Master's program in business. He took several business classes in undergrad, but not enough to major or minor in it. He has recently been interested in going back to get his MBA for a couple of reasons 1) it can't hurt to have an MBA on top of an engineering degree  2) it could help my practice one day to have someone that knows anything about business since we get little to no business education in optometry school  3) his current company will pay for it- so why not?!  Since he didn't have all of the required classes to start the program, he could opt to take this placement test and if he passed, he didn't have to make up the courses, which would knock off a year of classes for him.  Well, he pretty much aced the test today and is now just waiting for registration to open to sign up for classes! I am so proud of him!  If all goes as planned he will finish the same year as I do. So from now until then we will be some of the most boring people you know. ;)

Happy Weekend!

Just a little song...

This song recently, and quickly, has become a favorite of mine. And thankfully, it comes on the radio nearly every time I'm in the car. I don't know if that's because it's super popular, or the Lord is trying to reach me. Either way it is humbling no matter how many times I hear it.

Second Wedding Anniversary

I'm trying to catch up on blogging here. We are taking full advantage of my summer break and have been gone most weekends.  Since we visited Auburn the weekend before and went to the beach the weekend after our anniversary, we had a low-key night out during the week.  It was nice to be able to do our celebrating on the big day instead of waiting for the weekend.

Once Jesse was off of work we went for dinner at Firebirds. The meal began with a loaf of bread. Any restaurant that brings be freshly baked bread first is already racking up brownie points in my book. I had the grilled salmon with mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables, while Jesse had an enormous steak (slow-roasted ribeye) with sweet potato fries.

We then had high hopes of recreating our wedding day cupcake flavors (chocolate, key lime, carrot, and red velvet) at Gigi's cupcakes only to remember that they bake only certain flavors on certain days.  When we arrived they had none of the above flavors, so we settled for a Wedding Cake cupcake and called it even.

(No photo of the cupcake, as we ate it after the next event, and it fell over in the car ride making it far from photo-ready.)

Our last stop of the evening was Vulcan Park. This is on our Birmingham bucket list, and we felt like it was a proper night to gaze at the city from up high.  We slowly walked through and read all of the signs telling about Birmingham and the Vulcan's history.  Then we decided to take the stairs up (instead of the elevator...why?!) to the outlook point.  It was quite romantic - seeing the city at night all lit up. Definitely one of the best views (if not the best) in the city.  We were surrounded by a few other couples, and we giggled at  those that were obviously on their first (or so) date getting to know each other. Then I politely interrupted one couple to snap a picture (or twelve) of us.  Thankfully she was overwhelmingly sweet about it, and after some trial and error did a decent job. I couldn't leave without one (good) picture of us on our anniversary day! 

(for more photos, click HERE)

I often sit and think of how blessed I am to have such a wonderful man at my side, now and forever. I've realized this more and more over the past year while I've been drowning in studies and he picks up all of my slack. He's patient when I am not. He's quiet when I should be. He's level-headed and keeps be balanced when I think the moments at hand are more important or overwhelming than they really are. He loves me through it all, and I cherish all of our moments and memories together.  I'm looking forward to another year of memory-making - who knows what's in store?!

Goodbye Lovely Month, Hello Spring?

By the end of this week February will be gone.  Somehow the days of this month ran in fast forward.

It's been a busy month in relation to school and an eventful month for Jesse having gone on vacation to Colorado.  Even under the piles of school work I feel buried in most weeks, I really do love this life we are living together. It's the little things sometimes - like just enjoying the fact that my husband got to get out of his cubicle and glide down snowy mountains and enjoy the outdoors,

(I wasn't even there and I can't get enough of this view. Don't give me weird looks if it winds up as my desktop background.)

or decorating the mantel in celebration of our love during the month of Valentine's (sappy, I know),

(the "B" was recycled from our wedding decor; the yarn heart wreath was a Pinterest inspiration; as was the framed printable and the paper heart garland; two Valentine's cards- one from each set of our parents; oh, and ignore the fact there is no candle in the candlestick; and yes those are still the branches of our ex-Christmas tree peaking into the corner, we're keeping it around for a while, sans ornaments)

or taking a few minutes here and there to create something to make my desk space a happier place, and to share with you.

click HERE to download and print

(excuse the blurriness of the copied image, it won't be blurry when you print)

I like a cute, blank, month-size calendar to fill in all of my big events to display above my desk.  I've found printable ones online, but I've enjoyed making my own. I tinkered around and created a February calendar but never got around to sharing it. So, here is the first official calendar of the year for you to print and fill in with all of your events. Hang it on your fridge, or bulletin board, or place it in your binder - what have you.  I plan to make one each month. As you print this PDF select "fit to page" ... I got a little carried away close to the borders (and don't forget landscape). 

(all credits are not to me from making this from scratch - the cute images were downloaded elsewhere as free scrapbooking elements and I just threw them together on the calendar)

Soon we will say hello to spring! (Insert complaint about the recent and ongoing cold and rain.)

Anniversary Celebration

In honor of our one year anniversary, we took a day trip to Tennessee this past Saturday.  It was a beautiful day to spend together, and I always get extra excited about going to new places!  We first only planned to go to the Tennessee Aquarium, but decided to take a little detour on the way up and check out the Unclaimed Baggage Center in Scottsboro, Alabama. I was a bit skeptical of what we would find, but our trip was successful.  We left with a bag full of goodies:

I was thrilled to find a Boden dress I had actually almost ordered once, a pair of Loft shoes, and a Tarte makeup brush (I know, a little weird, but I promise to disinfect it first!):

(Dress: retail $128/I paid $29.95; Shoes: retail $80/I paid $15.99; Brush: retail $32/I paid $8.39)

And Jesse snagged a few shirts, a pair of swimtrucks and 2 pairs of earphones:

(Not sure of the retail price of the shirts, but all were $5.29 and one still has tags on it! Both pairs of headphones retail at about $80, and he got them both for $22! And the swimtrunks were 4 bucks.)

You had to dig a little to find the treasure, but I think we did pretty good!

Onward we went to the Tennessee Aquarium, which was lots of fun!

We finished going through the aquarium quicker than expected, so we drove the scenic route out of Chattanooga and went to the the top of Lookout Mountain to Point Park.

Such an amazingly beautiful view!

(I'm not sure if you can read the sign, but warns of the danger of falling off the cliff.  My knees went weak just watching him sit down there.)

We had such a great day just enjoying each other and relaxing our way around Chattanooga. It was a fun trip, and we hope to go back to Ruby Falls and some other attractions next time!

And, don't fear! We are thawing out our wedding cake as I type this.  Hopefully it will be tasty a year later!  

Too see all of our photos from the day, click HERE.

One Year Anniversary

Can you believe it?!  It's been a whole year since we said "I do."  I think everyone says this, but I'm going to say it too:  it does not seem like it's been a year!  Time flies by so fast.  It really feels like it was only a few months ago that I was worrying over cupcakes, and chairs, and hairdos, and tablecloths, and flowers, and, and, and... I could go on and on.  So many decisions and so much effort and stress go into making a wedding happen, and then it's over, and before you know it you're thawing out the top of your wedding cake and saying "Happy Anniversary" to the person you've been sleeping next to for the past 365 nights!  Which just goes to show that it's not about all the hoopla of the wedding ceremony.  So many times on our wedding day I heard, "No matter what happens, you'll still say I do." Now, all you other brides know, at the time I was thinking that everything better turn out right and we'll say I do.  :)  But in hindsight, those words were so true, because that's really the only important factor of the day.

Remember these moments?

Happy Anniversary to us!
More to come of how we celebrated!