Our Birth Story

I realize I'm very far behind on life, but I wanted to share our birth story as a follow up to my last post, and hopefully to be an encouragement to other women. When we found out we were pregnant in February of last year, I had a hard time wrapping my head around what was about to happen to my body and how this little girl was going to make it out into the world.  I had some previous experience listening to birth stories from natural deliveries, but quickly thought I was not strong enough to handle that. I have never had any surgeries, broken bones, or even my wisdom teeth removed. I'd never been hospitalized, never given blood, and was certain that my pain tolerance of zero would eliminate me from natural birth. But the more I read and researched, I decided I wanted to do this without any pain medications. I wanted to experience every part of birthing this little girl into the world.

Now, many of you might say I'm crazy and that's okay. I also want to pause and say that babies come into this world in a plethora of scenarios and circumstances, all of which are out of our control. What matters is that our babies get here safe, sound, and healthy! There are many reasons a birth doesn't go as planned or interventions may be needed for the safety of mom or baby. And honestly, I had pretty low expectations of myself for this whole process and was completely willing to bail on the "plan" and go another route to meet our baby girl.

(Ignore all my chins and just look at that daddy's face!)

I've had many conversations about birth lately (all my patients at work want to know how mom and baby are doing), and women of all ages and generations are shocked that I would choose a natural delivery. Here are a few reasons I made the decision to go natural and my thought process behind it:
-  I did not want to be induced, as contractions by induction are much stronger and more difficult to handle than natural contractions. My pregnancy was very comfortable, even until the last few weeks, so I was happy letting Brenna come on her own time.
- Women have birthed babies without meds or intervention for all of time. Our bodies are made to do this. I'm surprised by the statistics on C-section rates and scheduled inductions, many of which are done out of convenience instead of necessity.
- I wanted to be a part of the birthing experience, so I didn't want to get an epidural in fear that I would be dead-legged on the bed, not knowing when to push. Epidurals can sometimes slow contractions. This slowing of labor can then lead to a C-section, and I wanted to avoid surgery if at all possible.
- My logic read like this: If induction leads to strong, difficult to bear contractions, that could lead to caving to an epidural, which could slow labor and lead to a C-section. I wanted no part of any of these, so the alternative is natural labor. My decision was as simple as a process of elimination - and there was only one other way out of this situation.
- In studying labor and delivery, I realized that more than anything else, labor is a mental challenge. Now, obviously there is some pain involved. But if you can mentally make it through each contraction until you're fully dilated, then mentally make it through the pushing, you're done!

Now, the hardest part about this for a first pregnancy is that you have NO IDEA what to expect and no idea what you can handle. Since I've never birthed a human before and Jesse had half as much knowledge as me about doing so, we decided to hire a doula to help us. Doulas are amazing assets to childbirth. They provide pre- and post-natal support and help coach you through the birthing process. They are there to hold your hand, tell you how awesome you're doing, and make suggestions such as positions to keep you comfortable and focused while in labor. They also act as a third party that are not connected to you emotionally and also not part of the hospital team (typically) - so they make sure you stick to your birth plan if possible. Our doula was wonderful and I would recommend a doula for every unmedicated birth!

So I had all these plans to do it all by myself (with support!), and am pleased to report that it went as smoothly as I could have ever imagined.  One week past my due date, I began having contractions at 7am, which quickly began coming every 3 minutes. By 10:00 we were calling the doula to meet us at our home. By 11:30 we were headed to the hospital. And by 2:11 Brenna was in our arms. This seven hour labor was no rival to my own mother who birthed me in an hour. Hats off to her. I'll spare you all the really fun details, but am more than willing to indulge you if you ask. :)

Believe me, I realize I am so blessed and thankful to be able to tell this story this way. There are many very difficult births that require even more strength and will power than I exhibited. There are many women who have to bail on their plan and surrender to interventions to get baby here safely, and every single one of these experiences are worth applauding. There are no failures in childbirth when that precious life breathes air for the first time.

A few words of advice if you are expecting or planning a pregnancy (or just some tidbits to tuck away for the long haul):
- EDUCATE YOURSELF! You can attempt to have the birthing experience that you want. Learn all of your options in detail and discuss with your doctor. If your doctor is not reasonable with your wishes, find a new one. There are many OBs skilled in natural delivery, so if you feel pressured (for no medical reason) into a different plan, find a different doctor.
- I recommend reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Ignore the few really hippy sections; otherwise it's a very thought-provoking and informative read.
- Believe you can do it! (This one is so important!)
- Then read this series of posts so that you know what to expect after birth. It ain't pretty ladies.
- And if you plan to breastfeed: take a class, read a book, watch a tutorial on youtube or something beforehand because it's not easy either.

The Truth

After reviving the blog with my last post, I typed up our whole birth story to share, but posting that alone will only sound like a sweet and fairy-tale like end to 2017 and I'd like to be more honest than that. Last year was a really hard year for us. We found out we were pregnant in February and it nearly floored us. We'd been married for 6 years at that time and had just bought our first home and began to settle into life. While we were in a good place in life to begin a family, it really wasn't on our radar. We had both been students for most of our marriage, and we were looking forward to spending some real quality time with each other before we thought of kids. We had dreams of traveling, conquering more National Parks, and exploring more nooks and crannies of Birmingham. We were not thinking about kids. And while we congratulated our friends that were growing their families with baby one or baby two, we both were happy with our family just consisting of the two of us.

In February, when I held onto the home pregnancy test that said "Yes" (because I'm apparently too big of a skeptic to trust lines when it deals with additional humans), I cried. Hard. I'm hesitant to share this, because I know the struggle and heartbreak of infertility is so real to so many, and to some very near to us. All I could think is how not ready I was for this change of life that was about to unfold. Physically, yes we were ready: we had a home to bring a baby into, I had a supporting husband to be a loving father, and we both had jobs to help support an addition. But mentally, I was not there, at all. I'm a planner, and this wasn't in my life plan. Not right now.

I questioned God so many times in 2017. Why us? Why now? Why a baby - a lifetime commitment? Why would You trust us with a new life? Why should I get to be a mother? Why do You give me this opportunity and not another woman who's heart has ached and longed for this for months or years? Why would you surprise me like this, God?

I'd love to share with you that He spoke to me and gave me some wise words to share with you, but I don't have specific answers to these specific questions. But what I did learn in 2017 is that God does not abide by our plans. We are not in control of this life, no matter what timeline we set for ourselves or what plans we lay out. God has His own outline, the original and official blueprints of our lives. He has a designed purpose for each of us, and his plans will reflect that. He is not surprised or taken aback by things unforeseen to us, because he knows already what is before us. I read of Jonah and his persistence to run from God because God's plan for him didn't meet Jonah's expectations. God was sending Jonah into a land that he had no intention to ever step foot in. But Jonah's purpose was to go and speak to Nineveh. You can choose to run or trust. My heart initially wanted to run. And by initially, I mean months. Months of people asking about our pregnancy and how excited we were, when deep down I was so uncertain of what was happening. By October the idea of her was so real, and I was coming around to the idea of having a daughter that I was definitely excited to meet her!

I still wonder why God would entrust me with this little girl. But then I look at her sweet face and see so much potential. And I've realized this plan of His is not only about me, or Jesse, but involves a beautiful story of Brenna and how he will use her for his glory. And that makes my heart swell. So whatever part of life you are in - whether you've been blindsided or you feel sunken down in a season of waiting, God is in control. He has plans for you, and they are bigger and greater than we could every imagine. It may not feel that way in the moment, but if we seek Him and his purpose for us, He can see us through our present.

photo credit: Asif Patel

Life Lately

Hey guys! It's been an entire year since I've last posted here!  I've had mixed emotions about keeping this blog going. Although I enjoy documenting our family adventures and travels, I've also felt that what I share is silly and unimportant. Instagram has also been such an easy place to share photos that I just defaulted to there. My goal is not to blog and gain hundreds of followers, it's really just to document some of our favorite moments and share them with those that love us. So, on that note, let's see if I can keep up with 2018!

This past year was the least and most eventful year of our lives. The end of 2016 (throwback!) was spent settling into our new home and getting into the groove of new work (for Emma).  In February we found out we were pregnant and I swear I spent all of last year mentally preparing for baby. We didn't take as many trips as we normally do, and overall kind of got into a funk of being homebodies.  Which, in hindsight, was dumb because I had a really smooth pregnancy. We did go to Charleston with our friends Tim and Courtney to celebrate their accomplishments being finished with school and considered it our last trip before baby.

Most of last year is a blur, attempting to figure out the new phase of life we were about to be projected into. (Which, by the way, you can't possibly fully prepare for... although I think we've done ok. ;) )  Then October rolled around and Brenna finally arrived! I cannot even begin to describe what a joy it has been to be her mom. I used to roll my eyes in my mind when people would say, "your lives are about to change!" Mostly because you also receive comments like, "You better do everything fun now, because you won't get to once you have kids." So this "change" people spoke of sounded like a horrible, boring change for the worse, when in fact it's the most sweet and enjoyable life altering change we've experienced.  Now, some of you parents are laughing right now because we are only 3 months into this gig and I'm sure there are some of you that have already lived through this blissful time and know there are moments you just want to shove your kids in a closet and run away (but never do, of course).  We'll look to you during those times to secure our sanity. :)

In the upcoming weeks I'll share our birth story and some other thoughts on this roller coaster of life. But let's be real, that's not what one looks like after giving birth and welcoming a new little one into the world. That's the face of a lady who has been pampered by nurses for 3 days and who is armed with numbing spray and a donut to ride home with. Just keepin' it real (you're welcome ladies).  This is more like it: