Our Birth Story

I realize I'm very far behind on life, but I wanted to share our birth story as a follow up to my last post, and hopefully to be an encouragement to other women. When we found out we were pregnant in February of last year, I had a hard time wrapping my head around what was about to happen to my body and how this little girl was going to make it out into the world.  I had some previous experience listening to birth stories from natural deliveries, but quickly thought I was not strong enough to handle that. I have never had any surgeries, broken bones, or even my wisdom teeth removed. I'd never been hospitalized, never given blood, and was certain that my pain tolerance of zero would eliminate me from natural birth. But the more I read and researched, I decided I wanted to do this without any pain medications. I wanted to experience every part of birthing this little girl into the world.

Now, many of you might say I'm crazy and that's okay. I also want to pause and say that babies come into this world in a plethora of scenarios and circumstances, all of which are out of our control. What matters is that our babies get here safe, sound, and healthy! There are many reasons a birth doesn't go as planned or interventions may be needed for the safety of mom or baby. And honestly, I had pretty low expectations of myself for this whole process and was completely willing to bail on the "plan" and go another route to meet our baby girl.

(Ignore all my chins and just look at that daddy's face!)

I've had many conversations about birth lately (all my patients at work want to know how mom and baby are doing), and women of all ages and generations are shocked that I would choose a natural delivery. Here are a few reasons I made the decision to go natural and my thought process behind it:
-  I did not want to be induced, as contractions by induction are much stronger and more difficult to handle than natural contractions. My pregnancy was very comfortable, even until the last few weeks, so I was happy letting Brenna come on her own time.
- Women have birthed babies without meds or intervention for all of time. Our bodies are made to do this. I'm surprised by the statistics on C-section rates and scheduled inductions, many of which are done out of convenience instead of necessity.
- I wanted to be a part of the birthing experience, so I didn't want to get an epidural in fear that I would be dead-legged on the bed, not knowing when to push. Epidurals can sometimes slow contractions. This slowing of labor can then lead to a C-section, and I wanted to avoid surgery if at all possible.
- My logic read like this: If induction leads to strong, difficult to bear contractions, that could lead to caving to an epidural, which could slow labor and lead to a C-section. I wanted no part of any of these, so the alternative is natural labor. My decision was as simple as a process of elimination - and there was only one other way out of this situation.
- In studying labor and delivery, I realized that more than anything else, labor is a mental challenge. Now, obviously there is some pain involved. But if you can mentally make it through each contraction until you're fully dilated, then mentally make it through the pushing, you're done!

Now, the hardest part about this for a first pregnancy is that you have NO IDEA what to expect and no idea what you can handle. Since I've never birthed a human before and Jesse had half as much knowledge as me about doing so, we decided to hire a doula to help us. Doulas are amazing assets to childbirth. They provide pre- and post-natal support and help coach you through the birthing process. They are there to hold your hand, tell you how awesome you're doing, and make suggestions such as positions to keep you comfortable and focused while in labor. They also act as a third party that are not connected to you emotionally and also not part of the hospital team (typically) - so they make sure you stick to your birth plan if possible. Our doula was wonderful and I would recommend a doula for every unmedicated birth!

So I had all these plans to do it all by myself (with support!), and am pleased to report that it went as smoothly as I could have ever imagined.  One week past my due date, I began having contractions at 7am, which quickly began coming every 3 minutes. By 10:00 we were calling the doula to meet us at our home. By 11:30 we were headed to the hospital. And by 2:11 Brenna was in our arms. This seven hour labor was no rival to my own mother who birthed me in an hour. Hats off to her. I'll spare you all the really fun details, but am more than willing to indulge you if you ask. :)

Believe me, I realize I am so blessed and thankful to be able to tell this story this way. There are many very difficult births that require even more strength and will power than I exhibited. There are many women who have to bail on their plan and surrender to interventions to get baby here safely, and every single one of these experiences are worth applauding. There are no failures in childbirth when that precious life breathes air for the first time.

A few words of advice if you are expecting or planning a pregnancy (or just some tidbits to tuck away for the long haul):
- EDUCATE YOURSELF! You can attempt to have the birthing experience that you want. Learn all of your options in detail and discuss with your doctor. If your doctor is not reasonable with your wishes, find a new one. There are many OBs skilled in natural delivery, so if you feel pressured (for no medical reason) into a different plan, find a different doctor.
- I recommend reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. Ignore the few really hippy sections; otherwise it's a very thought-provoking and informative read.
- Believe you can do it! (This one is so important!)
- Then read this series of posts so that you know what to expect after birth. It ain't pretty ladies.
- And if you plan to breastfeed: take a class, read a book, watch a tutorial on youtube or something beforehand because it's not easy either.

The Truth

After reviving the blog with my last post, I typed up our whole birth story to share, but posting that alone will only sound like a sweet and fairy-tale like end to 2017 and I'd like to be more honest than that. Last year was a really hard year for us. We found out we were pregnant in February and it nearly floored us. We'd been married for 6 years at that time and had just bought our first home and began to settle into life. While we were in a good place in life to begin a family, it really wasn't on our radar. We had both been students for most of our marriage, and we were looking forward to spending some real quality time with each other before we thought of kids. We had dreams of traveling, conquering more National Parks, and exploring more nooks and crannies of Birmingham. We were not thinking about kids. And while we congratulated our friends that were growing their families with baby one or baby two, we both were happy with our family just consisting of the two of us.

In February, when I held onto the home pregnancy test that said "Yes" (because I'm apparently too big of a skeptic to trust lines when it deals with additional humans), I cried. Hard. I'm hesitant to share this, because I know the struggle and heartbreak of infertility is so real to so many, and to some very near to us. All I could think is how not ready I was for this change of life that was about to unfold. Physically, yes we were ready: we had a home to bring a baby into, I had a supporting husband to be a loving father, and we both had jobs to help support an addition. But mentally, I was not there, at all. I'm a planner, and this wasn't in my life plan. Not right now.

I questioned God so many times in 2017. Why us? Why now? Why a baby - a lifetime commitment? Why would You trust us with a new life? Why should I get to be a mother? Why do You give me this opportunity and not another woman who's heart has ached and longed for this for months or years? Why would you surprise me like this, God?

I'd love to share with you that He spoke to me and gave me some wise words to share with you, but I don't have specific answers to these specific questions. But what I did learn in 2017 is that God does not abide by our plans. We are not in control of this life, no matter what timeline we set for ourselves or what plans we lay out. God has His own outline, the original and official blueprints of our lives. He has a designed purpose for each of us, and his plans will reflect that. He is not surprised or taken aback by things unforeseen to us, because he knows already what is before us. I read of Jonah and his persistence to run from God because God's plan for him didn't meet Jonah's expectations. God was sending Jonah into a land that he had no intention to ever step foot in. But Jonah's purpose was to go and speak to Nineveh. You can choose to run or trust. My heart initially wanted to run. And by initially, I mean months. Months of people asking about our pregnancy and how excited we were, when deep down I was so uncertain of what was happening. By October the idea of her was so real, and I was coming around to the idea of having a daughter that I was definitely excited to meet her!

I still wonder why God would entrust me with this little girl. But then I look at her sweet face and see so much potential. And I've realized this plan of His is not only about me, or Jesse, but involves a beautiful story of Brenna and how he will use her for his glory. And that makes my heart swell. So whatever part of life you are in - whether you've been blindsided or you feel sunken down in a season of waiting, God is in control. He has plans for you, and they are bigger and greater than we could every imagine. It may not feel that way in the moment, but if we seek Him and his purpose for us, He can see us through our present.

photo credit: Asif Patel

December Wrap-Up

Hello everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas season! Our seasonal festivities have come to an end and we are looking to get back to our regular routine in the upcoming week. I know I've been on a little hiatus from blogging for a little while, but I'm ready to jump back in and keep this thing rolling! It's been months since I last posted so I'd like to catch up a little before moving forward.

I feel like these past couple of months have been lived in fast-forward. There has been a whirlwind since about Thanksgiving. We celebrated Thanksgiving with friends in Birmingham before going home for the holiday. Kelsey cooked the turkey and the rest of us sparked our culinary skills to create quite the spread.

We went home to Luverne for a few days during Thanksgiving and spent some much-needed time with our families! After returning to Birmingham I prepared for the last couple of weeks of the semester and final exams. And then, of course, the Christmas festivities began. Our community group had our final get together of the year where we swapped gifts by playing Dirty Santa. We opted for getting good, creative gifts instead of funny/cheesy ones, so everyone left with something nice. Four of us with Steel City Pops gift cards - the ultimate Christmas gift!

In celebration of the end of my school semester we got together with Mike and Kelsey to watch one of her favorite Christmas classics: White Christmas. This was the first time Jesse and I had watched it, and I loved it! The night was complete with hot cocoa and cookies.  :)

We went home for Christmas with my side of the family for the weekend where my mom had prepared a delicious brunch full of all the dishes we crave for this annual gathering! We had a great day catching up with my sister and her family and exchanging gifts. Tara gave us the most unique present we received - a photo-collage puzzle of our summer vacation from Shutterfly! Such a neat gift!

A little more back and forth brought Christmas with Jesse's side of the family. We had the annual Christmas Eve seven-fish dinner with his parents, brother, and sister-in-law. Then woke up Christmas morning to exchange gifts and eat a yummy fondue lunch. We then spent Christmas evening with all of my mom's side of the family for dinner and our second round of Dirty Santa. The women do a nice job with gifts here, but you never know what will come out of the men's side of the tree. Last year Jesse came home with kindling wood; this year there was a pooping-snowman.

For the day after Christmas, Marilyn had planned for us to go to the Fantasy of Lights at Callaway Gardens. We arrived a little early and had time to admire the Butterfly Conservatory. Next, we took a walk through Christmas Village, grabbed some kettle corn, then lined up for the drive through the light show. Although we were a car full of adults, there is something warm and sentimental about Christmas lights.

 Sometime in the midst of all this, Jesse and I exchanged our gifts to each other. He can be difficult to buy for and surprise, but I got him this year with an unexpected suitcase and finally framed some street art we got last year in NYC.  He got me a few things I'd asked for and a couple of surprises as well. My little organized heart did a flutter when I opened the label maker.

More blogging coming soon in 2015!!!

July 4th Weekend

I interrupt these Financial Peace posts to bring you our Forth of July events:

For months we have been trying to plan a trip to Luverne with our friends Mike, Kelsey, and Brother (also named Mike). And little Addy, of course. We wanted them to experience life in the country, and for some reason they wanted to come. So we tried to live up to their expectations. Plus, they got to experience Marilyn's cooking. I'm pretty sure her Bible has an 11th commandment: thou shall not let no being go hungry, and she didn't disappoint with breakfast casserole, blueberry scones, blueberry pancakes, oofta tacos, and a smoked turkey (courtesy of Gene).

We celebrated the 4th at my side of the family's get-together. It was great to spend time with family and friends at the same time. And to see Carissa home from her Austrian/Parisian adventures. We ate delicious smoked pork with all the fixings, and finished it off with homemade ice cream and watermelon. The guys couldn't resist a seed-spitting contest. However it was difficult to see the seeds fly, so I'm not certain who won.

Back at home that afternoon we took advantage of Addy's naptime and took a ride down the dirtroads on Gene's "Buck Mobile" (a camouflaged Suzuki) and their four-wheeler. Jesse offered a quick lesson of how to drive the four-wheeler, and Kelsey was off, riding the red roads in her cute little blue dress. Unfortunately we did not photograph this ironically-dressed event. We cut through the woods, back to the pond for a little off-roading. When we returned we continued our outdoor activities by shooting a variety of guns: Jesse's .22 rifle and Kel-tec pistol, my .38 special, and Gene's shotgun.  Mike only recalled shooting a BB-gun as a child, and Kelsey showed her sharpshooter skills with the rifle.

When Addy woke we took her out to pick blueberries. She loves fruit, especially blueberries, and was absolutely adorable picking them. She was so concentrated on them, like she could not believe such deliciousness grew on trees!

On Saturday we drove to Banks to McClelland's Critters. Jesse & I have been there before, and we knew Addy would love it!  She knows many animal names and sounds, and pointed out all the animals to us as soon as we got out of the car. We all enjoyed feeding the animals and Mike, the zoo-keeper's, tour through the pens. 

(she did not want to touch the snake)

We had a wonderful time, and they felt like they experienced all of Jesse's childhood in one weekend! Although they will likely never live in the country, hopefully we convinced them to visit us one day if we wind up living in Middle of Nowhere, Alabama (to them, anyway)!

High Five for Friday

Once again, I forgot to post on Friday. I don't know why... I was completely distracted from studying yesterday and at the pinnacle of procrastination.  Finals are a week away, but my brain is pretty much done with this semester.  This week held lots of exciting things, though - let's start from last weekend:

1. Saturday we were home for my cousin Clint's wedding.  It was quite the ride out into the countryside, but the venue was gorgeous!  A newly built barn just for events like this, that screamed rustic Southern wedding. All the little touches Ashton had planned were absolutely charming, and there was a candy table.... probably for kids... but you know I had to get some!  And there was a grits bar that made my tummy swoon (twice).

And look how gorgeous my cousin Kelsey is in this seagreen color! (Which goes with her glasses, might I add. ;)  )

Little Adelyn also loved the candy bar:

2. We had Easter lunch with Jesse's side of the family on Saturday as well.  Marilyn made a delicious ham and veggie strudel, and Heidi brought her famous double-layer cheesecake.  We also hunted eggs (because you are NEVER too old for that), and Heidi found the "golden egg" with $5 inside! We were all eager to empty the candy out, and everyone was excited about Peeps.  (By the way... Peeps should be designated for Easter... we don't need Peeps for all the other holidays. That sucks the fun out of egg hunts and the original Easter Peeps. Just sayin'.)

3.  Church was amazing on Sunday, with a great worship service and a focus on the resurrection power of our living Savior! The same resurrection power that was enough to save you is the same power that can sustain you. So why do we try to chose what parts of our life we want His power to show up in? Salvation, but not in the hatred of a friend that has hurt us? Save us from all the ugly sins of this world, but not enough to save our marriage from the nothingness it's become? Strong enough to conquer death, but not to help you break your addiction? It's strong enough to restore you- restore your marriage, break addiction, and allow forgiveness (plus more). It doesn't change; it doesn't fade or lose its strength!
Service was followed by what has become the annual Domeny Easter lunch, where Kelsey cooked up a ham and all the proper Easter fixings.

4.  Jesse and I got sick mid-way through the week, but have (almost) fully recovered at this point. Feeling better always feels so good!

5.  After a round a chicken noodle soup and appetites were back to normal, last night we tried using pantry and freezer items to make a homemade spin on a local favorite dish of ours - Saw's Soul Kitchen's Pork and Grits which is a bed of grits topped with turnip greens, pork, and shoe-string onion rings. Divine I tell you. Now, it was a stretch, because we did not have BBQ pork, but I made cheese grits, we cooked up spinach as our greens, and Jesse topped his with shrimp (I'm sadly allergic), followed by French's onions. Mine was okay, but his was delicious. He tries to pretend he doesn't cook, but when he does, he always goes all out and it tastes amazing.

Happy weekend, everyone!

High Five for Friday

I've been busy practicing and preparing for my final practical in my Clinical Evaluations course so the past couple of weeks have been somewhat a blur. I didn't get around to posting a high five last week, so let's just do a little catching up over the past couple of weeks:

1. My mom and mother-in law were sweet enough to come up and be my practice patients over this past weekend. We took them to Little Donkey, a local Mexican restaurant we've recently come to enjoy. And of course we had to get pops. A 2 hour eye exam might have been a little tortuous, but they had a good time otherwise. We ladies even went shopping on Saturday together, which was fun and a nice break from my norm.

2. We also had Matt and Heidi here for the weekend as well. They went with Jesse to our friend Kyle's white water rafting birthday trip. They had a lot of fun splashing down the Ocoee River in Tennessee. Mike fell out at some point, which gave them all a good laugh after the fact!

3. We enjoy when Matt and Heidi come because they always want to enjoy good food in Birmingham. This time we went to Giuseppe's Cafe - a hole in the wall place I drive by almost daily. They served up delicious, fresh Italian food. Our table had a variety of calzones, lasagna, and chicken pesto pasta, along with canollis and Tiramisu for dessert. Everything was amazing. We will definitely return!

4. Rewinding to last Friday: in our Anterior Segment lab we got to practice foreign body removal. Since this did not involve inserting foreign bodies into each other's eyes (read ridiculous and dangerous), we practiced removing epithelium and debridement of cow eyes! Then we also practiced foreign body removal by using various instruments to pick brake dust out of gelatin behind the slit lamp. Surprisingly, this consistency is similar to the front surface of your eye and made great practice for FB removal. Here are Bonnie, Steve, and Maggie in action:

5. I passed said practical! Hallelujah! This little check box meant the world this week.

Other recent happenings:  Earth Day on the Green at UAB happened last week and Jesse met me for foodtruck lunches and we got to see Alabama Power's Teslas:

Last but not least, a reader sent me this precious photo frame she found with our blog title on it, all the way from Michigan!  Okay, okay - she's not some anonymous reader across the states; she's a close friend's mom, and probably keeps up with my blog in case there are photos of her grandbaby... Just kidding! Any time Sally comes to town she always tells me how much she enjoys reading our posts, many of which contain activities with her two kids (our friends) Kelsey and Mike. I will have to find a special picture to go in this perfect frame! Thank you Sally!

Even through the most stressful weeks, when I stop and focus on each week's "high five" I realize how much we're surrounded by precious, caring people that love and support us, and I'm so thankful for those people that warm our hearts.
This weekend holds a wedding, then a celebration of Easter Sunday.  Over the next couple of weeks this semester will wind down and finals will ensue. There is light at the end, folks!

We will see some of you soon! Have a great weekend!